i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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