I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
