I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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