I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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