Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize