it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
