If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
