Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
