Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
