in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
