sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
