His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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