don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
