he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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