opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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