so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
