do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize