It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
