Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
