Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
