i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
