I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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