I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
