You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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