I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
