What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
