if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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