Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
