I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
