Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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