we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
