The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
