I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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