90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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