my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
