1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
