So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
