I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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