blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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