I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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