did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
