4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
