You can't special order awesome
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
