My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
