i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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