i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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