Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
