he puts the penis in happiness.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
