i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
