we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is Oprah even human
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
