Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
