i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
