please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
