She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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