Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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