omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
