Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
