Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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