I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
