dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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