i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
