we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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