It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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