im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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