Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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