If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
