Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
