Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My dick has a subreddit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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