Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
