you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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