i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
