i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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