I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So much rum. So many feels.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
