So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
only you would photoshop your dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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